“Don’t cry over spilled milk” A blog post for working moms

No one knows the true meaning of that until you are a working mom of two boys and you just spent your only time to sit down attempting to pump for your 3-month-old then in the rush to get back to work you spill 3 of those precious ounces.  I will now introduce you to the real classic childhood and not that story book that you see of the mom and baby always peaceful and the mom is very well rested and always dressed so nice. 

Everywhere you turn you see how bad formula is and ‘breast is best’ which is true I get that but seriously when it comes between a starving child because you just can’t produce enough milk no matter how much you try and giving your child ‘shudder’ formula there should be somewhere you turn that can help take the guilt off your shoulders.

I breastfed my first for 18 months, you read that right 18 months.  He had teeth, he could talk, everywhere we went I was scared to tell people that I was outside of the norm.  So, when I was pregnant again the whole time, I just thought about how much I can’t wait for that bond, for his little smile after he’s full.  What I got was a colicky baby who hated breastfeeding and a toddler who didn’t really like the idea of his brother.  Each day I felt more and more like a failure.  And here I was again afraid to talk to anyone.  No matter where I turned, I felt like the media was telling me that I was failing.  I was failing at not being able to breastfeed, I was failing at being a working mom, I was failing at not being there for my husband.  But what the media wasn’t telling me is that I was doing the best for my family.  What people fail to realize is that these precisions little monsters that we waited patiently for do not come with instructions and each child is different.  How was it that I was able to breastfeed my one son for 18 months and barely made it to six months with my second.

Mom quilt Is real and it’s a scary place to be.  Every time my second son coughs or does something outside of the norm I always feel like it’s my fault.  Then of course I turn to google that tells me that ‘breastfed babies are less likely to develop (insert whatever problem you have here) I go down the rabbit hole again.  If only I tried harder, if only I pumped more, maybe if I stayed at home then this wouldn’t have happened.  It wasn’t that I didn’t try.  I pumped on the way to work, I pumped in the night, I offered milk to my son whenever I had a chance.  It just wasn’t a match.

To the mom that’s reading this in the middle of the night hoping to find a solution I assure you that you are not a failure.  Look at that wonderful, precisions, little monster that you brought into this world.  They will never think you are a failure; it will happen you will let them down but at this moment you are perfect.  You bring them warmth, comfort, you are the only one that can fix any problem that they have.  I know you are trying your best, and that’s okay.  If you have to use formula, it’s okay.  I’m not going to tell you that you are a failure. 

Every child is different, that’s what they fail to tell you when you are pregnant.  Even though I have two boys that are obviously raised the same by the same two parents they are completely different.  I would of never in a million years thought that I wouldn’t be able to breastfeed my second.  I knew so much about breastfeeding.  I knew all the tricks to try when are not producing enough milk so when I had that problem with my second son, I didn’t think anything about it.  I didn’t think that it was a reality that I was having problems, so I ignored it and kept saying ‘no he’s fine’ when he was crying all the time.  I didn’t want to admit that I had failed.  But what I didn’t know is that I hadn’t failed, if someone had just told me at the time that I wasn’t a failure and my kids were happy and healthy then I wouldn’t have gone down the rabbit hole.  My husband did tell me, but like all husbands at the time I didn’t think he knew what he was talking about.

So, not two years later what do I have?  A 5-year-old who still doesn’t like the idea of his litter brother and a 2 year old who doesn’t really like anything.  But they are both happy and healthy and

So, not two years later what do I have?  A 5-year-old who still doesn’t like the idea of his litter brother and a 2-year-old who doesn’t really like anything.  But they are both happy and healthy and even though I couldn’t breastfeed as long as I wanted with my second and a little too long with my first.  What I learned was every child is different, every moment is different.  No one has a classic childhood, that story book story about the mom sleeping peacefully while the baby is sleeping peacefully in the crib.  We should change what classic childhood is, the reality.  So, if you see a mom buying formula please don’t judge her or say anything to her negative or about the benefits of breastfeeding because you don’t know if she just spent the whole night pumping and trying to breastfeed.  We as mom’s need to be more supportive of each other no matter what the parenting choice.  So, to the mom that’s reading this at night trying to find the cure of why she can’t breastfeed, go to sleep sweet lady you are the best and if tomorrow you decide to switch to formula.  It’s okay. And to the mom who thinks she should shame every mom that buys formula please give us a break.  And to the mom that didn’t even try to breastfeed and went straight to formula, sometimes I envy you.  Being a mom is the hardest most rewarding job and I congratulate you to joining the team.

(Written in the closet hiding from my two boys so that I can get a moment of peace as well as while my boys are asleep on me because this is true classic childhood)